A rephrase and the most complete writing of my theological pursuits so far.
Why study theology? Won't it turn you into eccentric strayed weirdo? Well, short answer ..
🎀 I believe everything else in relatively manageable, but the world, life experiences, they're anything but easy. God has formed me to be that sensitive so that I'm urged to ask, articulate and share my takes on the purpose of life, the meaning of existence. I don't settle in religious formality, not questioning is not faith, it's ignorance. I love God's wisdom & the Church so much that I want to be a part of the movement of The Spirit Who constantly making The Word to not only be translated as authority, but also relevance. (The short version).. 😅
The long version ..
🎀 Through about 40 yrs alive, I've experiences things that the "prosperity theology" (dominantly present in my previous charismatic context) would relate to as turmoil to be subdued, that sharing burdens & struggles too much would mean weakness, a lack of faith .. these experiences have shaken me like a fish made aware of water because previous familiarity with water have made it unnoticeable. "Prosperity" became more incompatible, it simply can't answer (and would reflexively dismissed) the facts of God as The One Who reveals but Who is also a Mystery.
🎀 Still related to the incompatibility of my previous convictions, I've experienced tragedies myself, the "decline" circa and beyond 40, issues with health, struggles in keeping it together mentally after my mother's passing. During the birth of our 3rd child, I almost lost my wife. I've also been involved in a prayer fellowship which believes in miracle, healing and breakthroughs, but at the same time has also been flooded with prayer requests for those with suicidal thoughts, traumas, covid, tumors, cancers. Some have left us to be with the Lord. That raised a question, especially because the previous teaching we received that true Christian belief views body, MIND, and spirit as unity, thus asking and try to reason faith, and experiences in relation with faith is not at all .. wrong. Are we "defeated" and of lesser faith when we fail or people we pray for does? What's the relevance of grace or salvation in this? What is the purpose of suffering? Is the faith of God's presence in "dark" side of humanity is simply a "getaway" or rationalizing our grieves? Is there a reason to believe (and purpose in believing in) God, when He's "hiding" behind happenings which in our version won't be at all the prayer answer we're hoping for? What's the point of faith & praying if we can't convince God to "change His verdicts"? Do we even relate at all to Him or vise versa?
🎀 From point no.2 it's clear for me to pursue the science of faith reasoning .. theology. Existence isn't a thing to be taken lightly. Faith isn't just to be swallowed without questioning.
🎀 Encounters in either one or two directional manner (like this Live FB from Theovlogy yesterday titles "The Non Clergy Theology Fan") have awaken me to the fact & irony that many Churches, ministers, and seminaries have been dismissing those searching God through reasoning and burning issues just to cover their insecurities and thus have been wielding their authority the wrong way.
🎀 Minding previous point, I can't settle being a part of "laymen" or ordinary churchgoer, those who prefer processed spiritual food, the "practical" as they say, and later blaming or judging the same scholars as being "eccentric", "swayed from the faith", etc for presenting deeply thought, reflected and prayed for .. ideas. For those of you outside my circle of faith, yes, the grassroots can be so lost in thinking that those who think more deeply are those thinking incorrectly. 😅
🎀 While I also acknowledge that all humans are doing theology in their limited and "nearer to interests" scopes, it's my longing and people alike to serve. Serving as bridge, as ministers, reflection of Christ to the people, and representing the people's anguish, hopes, joys, etc to the Father.
1 Peter 2:9 (KJV) But ye are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, an holy nation, a peculiar people; that ye should shew forth the praises of him who hath called you out of darkness into his marvellous light.
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